Changes

So I was laying in bed last night, tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep. I NEVER sleep. I try to sleep, but when I do, I've been having some pretty crazy nightmares. I wake up often disoriented, crying, or about ready to throw up. I made a decision last night that I am hoping to really stick to, that I need to change things in my life a bit.

Since I've been pregnant, I've been achey, tired, angry, just, all of the above really. I can't seem to focus on just one thing. I live in constant fear that something BAD is going to happen. And the "What-if's" too... geez, don't get me started on those! What if I'm a bad mom? Etc... etc. So on to my goals!!!

• No longer call in to work sick! Even if I'm throwing up, feeling dizzy, whatever. I miss entirely too much when I'm not there, and in reality, it's a good way to get my mind off of things, right? I wish I could REALLY think this way. My being pregnant is a cop out! Even if I feel crappy, I am tired of hearing OTHER people saying that they LOVED their pregnancy and didn't go through all this lame stuff. So a way to get rid of them saying that... act like I'm not sick!
• Never eat food RIGHT before I go to bed. It might be the cause of my nightmares? I have the habit of coming home from work and grabbing a bite to eat, even if I had eaten at work earlier. If I DO eat something, to eat lightly!
• Stop being so damned selfish. Know that others have problems too and perhaps concentrating on helping others with their problems, will help erase how you are feeling.
• Start buying stuff for the baby. I have 10 more weeks 'till this little guy is supposed to be here and I'm WAY behind on things.
• Be happy. I know it's stupid, but I feel like I should remind myself on a daily basis to BE happy. There is so much in this world that I could be without, but am blessed to have.

Well, that's the beginning of my list. I feel like this blog was more of a rant, but it was something I needed to get off my chest, and frankly, I don't like TALKING about it, so just putting it out here, perhaps someone will read it, if not, at least I know the changes I wanna make.