Changes

So I was laying in bed last night, tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep. I NEVER sleep. I try to sleep, but when I do, I've been having some pretty crazy nightmares. I wake up often disoriented, crying, or about ready to throw up. I made a decision last night that I am hoping to really stick to, that I need to change things in my life a bit.

Since I've been pregnant, I've been achey, tired, angry, just, all of the above really. I can't seem to focus on just one thing. I live in constant fear that something BAD is going to happen. And the "What-if's" too... geez, don't get me started on those! What if I'm a bad mom? Etc... etc. So on to my goals!!!

• No longer call in to work sick! Even if I'm throwing up, feeling dizzy, whatever. I miss entirely too much when I'm not there, and in reality, it's a good way to get my mind off of things, right? I wish I could REALLY think this way. My being pregnant is a cop out! Even if I feel crappy, I am tired of hearing OTHER people saying that they LOVED their pregnancy and didn't go through all this lame stuff. So a way to get rid of them saying that... act like I'm not sick!
• Never eat food RIGHT before I go to bed. It might be the cause of my nightmares? I have the habit of coming home from work and grabbing a bite to eat, even if I had eaten at work earlier. If I DO eat something, to eat lightly!
• Stop being so damned selfish. Know that others have problems too and perhaps concentrating on helping others with their problems, will help erase how you are feeling.
• Start buying stuff for the baby. I have 10 more weeks 'till this little guy is supposed to be here and I'm WAY behind on things.
• Be happy. I know it's stupid, but I feel like I should remind myself on a daily basis to BE happy. There is so much in this world that I could be without, but am blessed to have.

Well, that's the beginning of my list. I feel like this blog was more of a rant, but it was something I needed to get off my chest, and frankly, I don't like TALKING about it, so just putting it out here, perhaps someone will read it, if not, at least I know the changes I wanna make.

Facial Hair on men, suck!

So my hubby goes through these phases where he will shave and it's clean cut and I adore fawning all over the smooth feeling when I kiss him. However, he has a tendancy to grow his facial hair out, due to pure laziness on his part and I can't STAND it. He knows I hate it, but still seems to do it on a regular basis. Finally we decided to get a beard trimmer for him, so at least it could look well maintained and hopefully not be so scrappy looking and feeling that I could tolerate.
Walmart. I HATE Walmart with a passion. At least the one by us. Just, too many people that bring their snotty, loud, rude kids with them and really, Walmart to me doesn't seem very clean. There have been two incidents where, while walking with my hubby searching for the things on our list, I've practically slipped and broken a hip! 'Course I do catch myself before I am on the floor! Seems there are puddles everywhere throughout that store.. not sure what that strange liquid is, nor do I wish to know! I told Matt that one of these days I'm just gonna really let myself fall, then I can sue the store! He freaked out and said to wait until the baby is born. Of course, I wouldn't want harm to happen to the baby, even though he seems to enjoy causing me so much grief as of late... but I agreed with Matt on that.. but one of these days!!! Just be careful, while shopping at Walmart.
Anyway, so we got a beard trimmer, seemed to be a nicer one, a bit pricey, but worth it, I'm sure. Matt has had it for over a month now, and it's a piece of crap! He plugs it in the bathroom to charge over night, then tries to use it the next day and it dies right away. We went about two weeks, trying to figure out WHY it wasn't charging and how come we paid good money for this piece of junk.
Matt came to me last night, shaking his head and holding the trimmer in his hands. We live in his mom's house, that is an older home. What we did NOT realize was that every time something is plugged in, and we turn the lights out, it stops energizing that particular item that is plugged in. I don't know WHY I didn't realize that, I don't know how many times I've accidently turned the bathroom light out and come back, hoping my curling iron would be warm and it's ice cold! Plain and simple, the light turns the outlet on and off. Needless to say, he got the trimmer charged, and groomed his beard so it's now just a goatee. I still hate it. I mean, I refrain chopping all my hair off in the middle of this Arizona heat for my dearest love... what to do to convince him?? Bah, I'm sure if I nag him enough, he'll come around! That's my rant of the day!

poppy seed muffins and the pregnant woman

I've been told many times that I should be a blogger, so I guess I will try it out. In a way, this will be a good way for me to get all my ramblings and weird thoughts out and perhaps it'll make me feel MUCH better? Who knows!

The other day my hubby and I went on our weekly adventure to Costco to pick up random things, and I wandered on over to the Muffin area, you know, where they have those HUGE muffins, in chocolate, banana nut, coffee cake, etc. Well, they always seem to have it in three different choices, but I can never find a combination that I truly love. To be honest, the only kind I really like are the poppy seed ones. So I was kinda throwing a fit, cursing under my breath that all I wanted, was to request for them to give me a pack FULL of just the poppy seed muffins. I had missed a rack while passing by and my hubby, not far behind me, saw them. Sure enough, he came to my side holding a pack of ALL poppy seed muffins!!! I mean... WOW! How did I miss that?!? The first time ever, that I've seen those muffins with just one flavor, and it was mine.. all mine! Needless to say, I started to cry. Right there, in Costco, I discreetly wiped at my tears, took the muffins and walked away.

I've noticed a lot of things like that happening lately. Not exactly like that, but just, well, me crying at the drop of a hat. I know, I know, I'm pregnant, so it's okay, but even BEFORE I became pregnant.. I cried a lot! I don't do it on purpose, it's just who I am. My feelings literally are on my sleeve, as I wipe my nose and face all over it. I don't know why I don't just carry a box of kleenex around with me! I really should invest in that, but then I'd be one of THOSE people. Who have tons of USED kleenex in their purse, 'cause they don't have a garbage around to throw it away. That's so gross!

I know that once my baby boy is born, I'm gonna hafta deal with a lot of gross things, but honestly, I don't wanna deal with it quite yet. I see plenty of gross things on a regular basis, I am dreading the woes of motherhood.

We've had a house full of baby animals for the past couple of months, and I sit there and watch them, and it frightens me so. An example, we have our mama cat that got pregnant shortly after we moved back to Arizona from Texas. We got rid of two of the kittens, but have not been able to get rid of the other three. Boomer, our mama kitty, as been soooo patient with her babies, but lately, as they've gotten bigger.. I think they are around 4 or 5 months old now, she's been getting irritated. She'll be dozing on the couch when one comes up to nuzzle next to her, I can see the reaction in her face, she gets SO ornery!! One, the baby tries to feed off her, which they did for a long time after they were born and now that they have full on teeth... OUCH! Boomer will just sit there and hiss at her own baby kittens, even get so angry as to literally claw at them to bugger off! Yet there are other times, where the kittens will be just walking by her and she'll grab 'em and start grooming them, while they fuss and cry underneath her probings.

Is that what motherhood is going to be like?! I am worried that this baby is going to be around SO much, that I'm gonna get annoyed and just hiss and not want him to cuddle with me. But I just have to think of the good things, right? How could a mother NOT want to just adore and cradle her beautiful baby boy? I know that whatever happens, it'll happen for the best and we learn as we live, right? Right.

Anyway, this blog became a lot longer than I expected it to be... but I do tend to ramble, so maybe this WILL be a good thing. I called my brother, asking him what to blog about, he said for me to do just every day types of things. Then we began to talk, and I told him my poppy seed story, he then told me to blog about it. Thanks Matt. I do feel a little bit better, just.. ranting about whatever. Hopefully whoever reads these, don't think that I'm TOTALLY insane! But thanks for reading!!!