walk myself thin

      So I've had a lot of time off work lately due to some major headache and overall health issues. As I sit home and watch my baby play with his toys and try to find something even remotely good on television, I am finding myself becoming very bored. One habit that I've gotten from family is that when I am bored, my first instinct is to wander the house, then go to the pantry, and/or refridgerator. I EAT when I am bored. I know it, and yet I still do it. I don't know how many times when I go grab a snack, something chocolatey or salty and go to munch on it, I mentally tell myself I shouldn't eat it, then shove it into my huge mouth. I know I shouldn't do it, yet I do I HATE that I do that. So needless to say, I have made a goal for myself when I get up and moving again and start work, that at least 3 times a week I am going to get out of the house with the baby and walk. Not sure where I am gonna walk, but I will walk, and walk FAR. I have to. I am going to try and walk myself thin. haha! You hear the phrase all the time, but I believe it to be true. Lets just hope that after I get back to work, that I won't be so tired to get my behind up and moving early in the morning. Because when noon rolls around, it's gonna be too hot for me to get out of the house. Oh, and I'm gonna stop drinking the soda also... I was doing really well with that goal, but with the headaches, I couldn't help but drink it! So those are my two goals starting Monday!! I will let you know how it goes.

I never wanna grow up!!!

You know as we are younger, adults always told us we needed to make up our minds, decide what we wanna be when we grow up. Go to college right after High School so you can get into a career of a lifetime! Ugh, that is SO LAME! Well, it isn't lame, it was smart advice. Did I take it? Nope!!! I am 25 years old, married, with a 1 year old son, working in a job that I totally HATE! My husband keeps telling me that I should come up with a plan, to go to school and get a degree in something, so I am not so misereable at my job. The thing is, I don't know what I wanna do! Growing up I've always had an interest in different professions. My mind changes almost on a daily basis. I just wanna be in a job that I will enjoy and be happy with. Here is the list of jobs I've contemplated over the years:

• Author (I've always enjoyed writing, but that isn't realistic!)
• Veternarian (I do love animals, but that is a LOT of schooling)
• Nurse (I'm scared of needles, I know, I'm not the one being poked... still...)
• Massage Therapist (I already went to school for it, but I get discouraged thinking about the next steps to actually get licensed, plus it's mainly based off of tips, not good!)
• Dental Hygenist (Not sure if I REALLY wanna do it, just thought about it.)
• Flight Stewardess (Would love to fly all over the world)
• Travel Agent (Does anybody even use them anymore?!)

That is just a start, but in reality, I've thought of doing a LOT more! I think my ideal job, and I dunno if this is out of pure laziness, but I'd LOVE to be a stay at home Mom. I love being a mom and playing with my baby all day every day. Since I've been out of work, it's been good to be at home with Hunter, just spending time with him. The thing is, I've had the headaches so I can't really PLAY with him. I'd love to be able to take him to the park on a daily basis, go to the zoo, go to museums, watch him learn and grow. But unfortunately this world has made it very difficult for those Mom's out there, that wanna stay home. Money doesn't grow on trees. There are all kinds of things that need to be paid, Mortgage, Car Bills, Insurance, Electricity, everything has a price. I guess right now, I'm paying the price by working to get us out of debt so hopefully one day, I can actually say that I'm a stay at home mom who gets to play with her kids all day, every day. It's good to dream... right?!?

Negative Nancy

      I am somewhat discouraged lately. I honestly am not sure what to do! After the car accident I have had some pretty bad headaches that come and go. They aren't there when I first wake up, which is good, but as I get up and start moving around they totally creep up on me. I have been seeing a chiropractor but I just feel that it isn't working. Do I feel better after seeing him? Yes. But it isn't the long lasting feel good that I think I should be having. I also feel like I am depriving my baby boy of his mommy. The headaches make it hard for me to move around and play with him like I normally do. I am trying to stay positive, but I am just not seeing an end to this misery any time soon. All I can do is keep my head up and hope for some pain free days ahead.
      On a little bit of a positive note, Summer time is coming and I am very excited for it! I love warm weather and love soaking up the sun. Although I am white as a Lily flower and turn bright red when I'm out in the sun for more than 15 minutes, I love, love, LOVE the sun! Part of why I moved to Arizona is because I am always cold, so living in the Sunshine state has been a great blessing to me! I really want to find a good lawn chair to lay out in my back yard this Summer and try and get a light tan... if that is possible! Plus, I am anxious to take my baby outside, play in the sprinklers, go to the park. I really think it will be a good Summer!! I just need to get better, first.
      I have a doctors appointment today... let us hope that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel soon! Then the fun can begin!!!

Toys, toys, and MORE toys!!!

Today has been a busy day! I've felt better today than I have in a LONG time so I decided to get some cleaning done. Hunters room was my task of choice and his toys were on my mind. Over the past year and a half we've gathered not a little, but a LOT of toys for our little man. I went through the house, behind the couch (his favorite hiding spot for toys) and gathered 'em all up, big and small and put them all in one room. Then totes, we have several of those scattered throughout the house as well, holding something important at one point or another but alas they were empty for this task. Then came the organizing.. big toys, little toys, cars, figurines, random stacking toys, bath toys (why aren't they WITH the bath toys in the bathroom? I have no idea!) everything you can think of, we have that type of toy it seems!!! Actually, it didn't take long to organize, either, got all the totes seperated and nice and clean. I left a few of them out by his actual toy box that has the bigger toys in it, without the small, easy to lose pieces. Then, my little man wakes up from his nap and is hungry!! We had a cheese crisp and some strawberries, and he was ready to play. Needless to say, maybe 15-30 minutes after I cleaned up his toys, they were scattered throughout the room! Hopefully at the end of the night I will have another jolt from the clean fairy and get it straightened up. Oh the joys of having an 18 month old and watching him find old toys he hadn't played with in a long time! I love my little man and am blessed to have him in my life!!!

2010 - A crazy beginning!!

Wow, it literally has been a few YEARS since I have blogged. Guess it is time for a fresh start!!! We are now in the year 2010! Holy cow, how time flies! The last time I blogged was when I was still pregnant with Hunter!! He is now officially 18 months old, as of yesterday! He is getting to be such a big boy, and establishing a unique little personality. But I must say, he is my little angel and I wouldn't trade him for a thing!!

The year 2010 has been interesting! A lot of things have happened to make it busy and never boring. I have already had a lot of family come visit me from Utah, and that has been great! We went to the Renaissance Festival and got some much needed family time. It is a bummer though, because when I do see my family, I get extremely home sick and am very sad when they leave.

While my Uncle was visiting us he gave us his little puppy dog, because he didn't have much time, between his two jobs to take care of her. She was a bundle of energy and Hunter loved to play with her, however, sometimes he was a bit too rough with her. It became too much of a hassle to watch the two, making sure one didn't kill the other, so we ended up having to give her away. I guess there will be other dogs... just not any time soon.

Also this year, actually just about a month ago, I got a text from my hubby asking where Hunters insurance card was. I freaked and called him, asking him why, turns out I had every reason to freak. My little boy had a little chair that was just his size. Well, he climbed up onto the chair, trying to get onto the couch, I think, the chair tipped over and he knocked his face on the coffee table! His tooth got knocked right outta his mouth! My husband said there was a lot of blood. Glad I wasn't there to see that!! It was insane though, his whole tooth, root and all was knocked out!! We took him to the dentist, and she said he would be fine. Phew!! He is just gonna look a little funny though. It wasn't his front tooth, but the left one, right next to the front tooth. The dentist said it won't grow in until he is like 11-12 years old. That was a fright, but it could have been a lot worse!!!

THEN, about a week ago, I got myself into a car accident!!! Ugh, things just can't settle down around here! It wasn't my fault, the girl was only 15 years old, just turned 15, actually. She was at a stop sign, totally ignored it and pulled in front of me! I had no time to even think to stop!!! I crashed right into her, pulling my entire front end of the car off. I have never been in a car accident, even as a passenger, so I was REALLY freaked out!!! Well the police said it was totally her fault, now we are just waiting to hear from her insurance company, or rather her fathers insurance company, to get the whole situation figured out. The thing that sucks... I've had a headache since the accident, and it won't go away! I have tried different medicine and nothing seems to work. I've even been to the chiropractor and still, in pain. Because of this, I've missed work, and that is no good either. I am just sooo annoyed with everything! Hopefully it will calm down!!

During all the craziness we've had some good times, too! Matt and I just celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary on the 30Th of April!! We've had some good times with my family visiting and his family visiting! We also got to go to Disneyland to watch our niece in Cheerleader competitions!!! It has been a very fun, and crazy year!!! We aren't even half way through it yet!!! It makes me nervous to think what else is in store for our little family.

Wow, it felt great just ranting a bit, telling my little story! I think I might utilize this blogging more often!! Perhaps it will help things fall into place, when I type and get things sorted out in my head.

Changes

So I was laying in bed last night, tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep. I NEVER sleep. I try to sleep, but when I do, I've been having some pretty crazy nightmares. I wake up often disoriented, crying, or about ready to throw up. I made a decision last night that I am hoping to really stick to, that I need to change things in my life a bit.

Since I've been pregnant, I've been achey, tired, angry, just, all of the above really. I can't seem to focus on just one thing. I live in constant fear that something BAD is going to happen. And the "What-if's" too... geez, don't get me started on those! What if I'm a bad mom? Etc... etc. So on to my goals!!!

• No longer call in to work sick! Even if I'm throwing up, feeling dizzy, whatever. I miss entirely too much when I'm not there, and in reality, it's a good way to get my mind off of things, right? I wish I could REALLY think this way. My being pregnant is a cop out! Even if I feel crappy, I am tired of hearing OTHER people saying that they LOVED their pregnancy and didn't go through all this lame stuff. So a way to get rid of them saying that... act like I'm not sick!
• Never eat food RIGHT before I go to bed. It might be the cause of my nightmares? I have the habit of coming home from work and grabbing a bite to eat, even if I had eaten at work earlier. If I DO eat something, to eat lightly!
• Stop being so damned selfish. Know that others have problems too and perhaps concentrating on helping others with their problems, will help erase how you are feeling.
• Start buying stuff for the baby. I have 10 more weeks 'till this little guy is supposed to be here and I'm WAY behind on things.
• Be happy. I know it's stupid, but I feel like I should remind myself on a daily basis to BE happy. There is so much in this world that I could be without, but am blessed to have.

Well, that's the beginning of my list. I feel like this blog was more of a rant, but it was something I needed to get off my chest, and frankly, I don't like TALKING about it, so just putting it out here, perhaps someone will read it, if not, at least I know the changes I wanna make.

Facial Hair on men, suck!

So my hubby goes through these phases where he will shave and it's clean cut and I adore fawning all over the smooth feeling when I kiss him. However, he has a tendancy to grow his facial hair out, due to pure laziness on his part and I can't STAND it. He knows I hate it, but still seems to do it on a regular basis. Finally we decided to get a beard trimmer for him, so at least it could look well maintained and hopefully not be so scrappy looking and feeling that I could tolerate.
Walmart. I HATE Walmart with a passion. At least the one by us. Just, too many people that bring their snotty, loud, rude kids with them and really, Walmart to me doesn't seem very clean. There have been two incidents where, while walking with my hubby searching for the things on our list, I've practically slipped and broken a hip! 'Course I do catch myself before I am on the floor! Seems there are puddles everywhere throughout that store.. not sure what that strange liquid is, nor do I wish to know! I told Matt that one of these days I'm just gonna really let myself fall, then I can sue the store! He freaked out and said to wait until the baby is born. Of course, I wouldn't want harm to happen to the baby, even though he seems to enjoy causing me so much grief as of late... but I agreed with Matt on that.. but one of these days!!! Just be careful, while shopping at Walmart.
Anyway, so we got a beard trimmer, seemed to be a nicer one, a bit pricey, but worth it, I'm sure. Matt has had it for over a month now, and it's a piece of crap! He plugs it in the bathroom to charge over night, then tries to use it the next day and it dies right away. We went about two weeks, trying to figure out WHY it wasn't charging and how come we paid good money for this piece of junk.
Matt came to me last night, shaking his head and holding the trimmer in his hands. We live in his mom's house, that is an older home. What we did NOT realize was that every time something is plugged in, and we turn the lights out, it stops energizing that particular item that is plugged in. I don't know WHY I didn't realize that, I don't know how many times I've accidently turned the bathroom light out and come back, hoping my curling iron would be warm and it's ice cold! Plain and simple, the light turns the outlet on and off. Needless to say, he got the trimmer charged, and groomed his beard so it's now just a goatee. I still hate it. I mean, I refrain chopping all my hair off in the middle of this Arizona heat for my dearest love... what to do to convince him?? Bah, I'm sure if I nag him enough, he'll come around! That's my rant of the day!

poppy seed muffins and the pregnant woman

I've been told many times that I should be a blogger, so I guess I will try it out. In a way, this will be a good way for me to get all my ramblings and weird thoughts out and perhaps it'll make me feel MUCH better? Who knows!

The other day my hubby and I went on our weekly adventure to Costco to pick up random things, and I wandered on over to the Muffin area, you know, where they have those HUGE muffins, in chocolate, banana nut, coffee cake, etc. Well, they always seem to have it in three different choices, but I can never find a combination that I truly love. To be honest, the only kind I really like are the poppy seed ones. So I was kinda throwing a fit, cursing under my breath that all I wanted, was to request for them to give me a pack FULL of just the poppy seed muffins. I had missed a rack while passing by and my hubby, not far behind me, saw them. Sure enough, he came to my side holding a pack of ALL poppy seed muffins!!! I mean... WOW! How did I miss that?!? The first time ever, that I've seen those muffins with just one flavor, and it was mine.. all mine! Needless to say, I started to cry. Right there, in Costco, I discreetly wiped at my tears, took the muffins and walked away.

I've noticed a lot of things like that happening lately. Not exactly like that, but just, well, me crying at the drop of a hat. I know, I know, I'm pregnant, so it's okay, but even BEFORE I became pregnant.. I cried a lot! I don't do it on purpose, it's just who I am. My feelings literally are on my sleeve, as I wipe my nose and face all over it. I don't know why I don't just carry a box of kleenex around with me! I really should invest in that, but then I'd be one of THOSE people. Who have tons of USED kleenex in their purse, 'cause they don't have a garbage around to throw it away. That's so gross!

I know that once my baby boy is born, I'm gonna hafta deal with a lot of gross things, but honestly, I don't wanna deal with it quite yet. I see plenty of gross things on a regular basis, I am dreading the woes of motherhood.

We've had a house full of baby animals for the past couple of months, and I sit there and watch them, and it frightens me so. An example, we have our mama cat that got pregnant shortly after we moved back to Arizona from Texas. We got rid of two of the kittens, but have not been able to get rid of the other three. Boomer, our mama kitty, as been soooo patient with her babies, but lately, as they've gotten bigger.. I think they are around 4 or 5 months old now, she's been getting irritated. She'll be dozing on the couch when one comes up to nuzzle next to her, I can see the reaction in her face, she gets SO ornery!! One, the baby tries to feed off her, which they did for a long time after they were born and now that they have full on teeth... OUCH! Boomer will just sit there and hiss at her own baby kittens, even get so angry as to literally claw at them to bugger off! Yet there are other times, where the kittens will be just walking by her and she'll grab 'em and start grooming them, while they fuss and cry underneath her probings.

Is that what motherhood is going to be like?! I am worried that this baby is going to be around SO much, that I'm gonna get annoyed and just hiss and not want him to cuddle with me. But I just have to think of the good things, right? How could a mother NOT want to just adore and cradle her beautiful baby boy? I know that whatever happens, it'll happen for the best and we learn as we live, right? Right.

Anyway, this blog became a lot longer than I expected it to be... but I do tend to ramble, so maybe this WILL be a good thing. I called my brother, asking him what to blog about, he said for me to do just every day types of things. Then we began to talk, and I told him my poppy seed story, he then told me to blog about it. Thanks Matt. I do feel a little bit better, just.. ranting about whatever. Hopefully whoever reads these, don't think that I'm TOTALLY insane! But thanks for reading!!!